SO THERE'S THIS BOY

So There's This Boy
This boy is driving me insane. The question all relys on this... "Did he actually like me?" First you might suggest things like well did he spend time with you? Did he initiate?

Well let me answer you this... YES. But you know what... I'm still not sure if he liked me or it was all a scam. A scam to make out with me.... I'm so confused. I can't decided if he... (okay I'll call him "George")

a)Actually liked me (which I'm doubting because he wasn't tried to win me back... and ignored me at the last dance... I"ll go into that a bit later)

b) He just changed his mind. Meaning he liked me and then decided he didn't and couldn't handle telling it to my face. JUST SAY HOW YOU FEEL. IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE GIRL... give her the "I'm so glad were such good friends... and I don't want to jeopardize our friendship." Give her any kind of crap or bull so that she can know for sure.... that you don't want to date her anymore.

c) He likes me but thinks I'm way too
-Moody
-Jealous/attached
-Doesn't want to hurt me because he's leaving next semester.... (w/e I told him yes... he should trust me. I don't care this wasn't his reasoning any way.)


d) Just wanted to make out with someone and then I made it get "too complicated." He wanted to make out with me and still have the possibility of making out with other girls.

Here is the problem:



a) He asked me if I want to be serious/exclusive with him? When I asked what that meant that he said he didn't want to scare me... he knew I was new and I was just starting dating people here
-Point taken... I told him I'd have to think about it. Stupid! obviously I liked him and wanted to but I was afraid... So he probably thought I didn't like him enough because I had to "think about it." Man do I SUCK.

b) Then decided after I asked him. "What are we?" three days after I told him yes (to which I thought was being officially boyfriend and girlfriend). He says we went to fast.
-I say being exclusive with out being serious is pointless. Basically this is a boy's way of getting around the stuff like being there for the person when they need. Hanging out basically all of the time.... Because that part is the relationship and most boys don't want that. So they can mess around but not be serious. And then drop the girl if something better comes along, which I guess happened. Suck suck suck.

c) We watch a movie and he isn't showing any affection what so ever.
-Now I realize he might not have wanted to give me any mixed signals. But hello you don't have to be with a girl to cuddle or at LEAST lean in to her.

d) I'm pissed and tell him he can't walk me to the door. Then after he gives me a look I say he can but it doesn't matter either way.

e) We get to my door and I realize I was over reacting because of all the crap. I give him a hug and he asks if he can call later which he doesn't end up doing. Lame. I honestly don't get it. If you don't want to do something.... don't say so. Ug... I realize now I do that to boys I don't like. He doesn't try to contact me.

f) I miss class that Monday because my mother comes into town. then he doesn't text me about what I missed in class. Is that honestly so hard. can you not even be a friend??? And tell someone what they missed in class. Is it soooooooooooo terribly hard to understand I don't like to feel like people feel awkward around me and I want to be friends?? At the very least.

-I'm starting to realize I'm crazy. Yes I take everything too personal. I constantly think I'm not good enough. Not pretty enough.... And I always think a boy is lying if he tells me I'm pretty, beautiful or gorgeous.

g) I go to class, which I have with him and I've become pissed again. then I realize it and struggle to be nice. So that we can at least be friends.
-I really wanted to have a conversation where I told him my side of the story. And
tried to figure out what was going on in his brain. *groan*

h) So then I made the big mistake. I OVER DID IT. I texted him too much... and as a result I think I freaked him out.

i) I saw him at a dance. I was with a group of girls. He walked up to this girl (who likes him. She made up crap about him... so I wouldn't like him as much. I was starting to wonder if she told him crap about me as well) Anyway I was with this girl and he walked up to her and talked to her. He saw me... and moved away. I SWEAR IT WAS BECAUSE OF ME. I then tried playing it cool and dance over where he was a little later with his group and my roommate (who flirts with him. Grr....!) He wasn't paying attention and maybe he didn't hear me... but I seriously doubt it. So then I played like I didn't care. I tried not to. Anyway. So then I dance for awhile left and came back to dance and he danced with her!!!!!!!!!!!

-I don't know if he likes her or was trying to prove to me that he didn't like me. Or just wanted to dance.... I DON'T KNOW. I HATE BOYS!

j) Anyway I left the dance after pretending for awhile that it didn't bug me. Suck suck suck. I went home and cried. Honestly it just pisses me off. WHY DON'T GUYS LIKE ME?

I'm honestly feeling better now. It basically just comes down to low self esteem. It just proves to me that I'm not good enough.....

That I'm some green monster.... Which I'll admit I am.

Anyway now I have to move on. It just sucks that I screwed everything up. I just want to have fun. And at the moment he was the only one I was actually interested in. *sigh* Oh well. I must move on.

Since then I've been on a few dates. So far no real winners or boys I'm really intersted in.

Other Boys
And this boy... i don't know if he is gay. He came to my movie night thing and left before the movie started. I'm starting to wonder if he is a spy for the guy I use to like. "George". but I doubt it. That's just my hopes... I just wished he still liked me. So my mind is making up excuses. However I really wonder if this boy is gay. I don't know you know sometimes how guys seem too well groomed... and v-necks... i don't know how I feel about really really low v-necks. Makes me feel like they are tyring too hard..... Maybe it's just me.

This other boy is crazy. I don't get him. he got mad at me for not kissing him. And so over teh summer he got mad. We went on a date... and I don't know how to take it He makes nooooo sense.

(Side note: I just lost my phone. Gr... I hate when that happens)

I gave a boy my number who was at the library. I find Africa American boys so attractive. Also I love how it seems that all African America's are more flirty.... I like this. I also like how that cat call. It makes me feel good.

When ever someone says sexy or something like that. I feel good. I think it's because people use the other words too much so I don't take them seriously. I personally like sexy, hot... but I love love when guys say gorgeous, stunning or breathtaking. But it depends sometimes I still don't believe it. I'm usually thinking they just want to make out or something.