Sunday was wonderful today! It's amazing how much the Lord loves each of us and cares for us. It was great. *grin* I love when it seems like the lesson was suppose to be just for you. I've also really started liking teaching. It's a great learning experience and it really going to help me for public speaking.
It's was such a a wonderful day!
So why am I still stressing over stupid stuff like boys? Hmm... good question? The answer? I really have no idea. Why am I letting a boy determine my self worth? It's an interesting concept. The answer... I have no idea. Why do I think about text him or other boys... every other min? The answer... again I have no idea.
I've found out one of the reasons why I haven't had any energy and why I've been really crabby. Apperently, if you don't eat it effects you... in a negative light. Interesting huh? lol. Well it's not like I haven't been eating anything. I eat some stuff I just miss out on breakfast and lunch usually.... I eat dinner and something really late. I haven't been eating any protien though. I just found out that not eating protein causes a loss of energy and your body takes longer to heal.... No wonder why I've been scaring so much. *sigh* So my new goal is to start eating.
I'll admit sometimes I don't eat so that my stomach can be more flat... but it's not like I'm starving myself.... Most of the time I just forget to eat... or I just don't have time. Anyway. I realize I'm being stupid and I just need to exercise. Lame. I guess everyone was right all along. However sometimes I see all those really really teeny girls and I think if I got a little smaller again... maybe boys would like me more.
See this is ridiculous. This is the start of an eating disorder. I just have to get over myself. If someone doesn't like me... I just need to... deal. Groan* I hate dealing....
It is ridiculous but I'm realizing more and more how much the media effects me. I want to appear sexy... I want to be hot. I want boys to want me.... These are all natural things and any girl who denys it.... Well... okay the majority of girls want to be wanted. We want to be liked but we also want to be attractive. It's just so hard now that media has this set image... teeny teeny waists... chesty... long legs, long thick hair, perfect skin.... More and more. The details of it goes on and on. I'm tired of trying to be this set image of beauty. Why am I not good enough? Don't ask me because I don't know.
I've just spent the last 20 min pretending to be asleep while my visiting teacher went on and on about how perfect this girl is he is dating. How she is the "one" and is going to break her heart. This boy... who I dated. Did he ever ask me to go on a second date? Nope? Why? Apparently I'm not good enough! Sucky sucky boys! Cause I'm not perfect like "Stephanie". The stupidest thing is... she is my Visiting Teacher. Ug... it makes me feel sooooooooooooooo stupid!
School is stressing me out like crazy. I honestly am worried for the first tme in my life... not about getting a B or a C.... I'M WORRIED ABOUT FAILING. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! I swear I'm not stupid. But this class is literially kicking my but! I have no idea what I am going to do. I asked this boy to help me for class... so hopefully that will help out a lot. sigh* I just am always the one people ask for help with. Now I feel like the stupid one. It's like the whole fact about 12 credits. I've never knocked someone for only taking 12... but as soon as I took 12... I felt really stupid. Sigh* I'm not suggesting I'm smarter than people... I just. I just have high expectations for myself. Anyway... I've been feeling really stupid lately. And it's really frustrating.
Anyway... STUPID CRAP!!!
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