Pushing Daisies

I'm pushing away daisies.... (no not the series....) I'm tired of plucking flowers petals... wishing and hoping... However, I am in love with that show!

I'm pushing away the whole concept "Does he like me? Does he not?" Ugggg!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The whole system is stupid. Yet I know deep down in my heart I will continue to follow this stupid system. Continue to do this flip flop way of thinking... and getting frustrated..... Ug!

The world is fabulous and so why am I so annoyed and frustrated. I"ll tell you why. Boys are lame. And what is worst I end up doing things to boys that boys do to me. I lead guys on that I don't like.... I try to make boys jealous.... I flirt with boys I don't like at all.... I use boys if I need something (whether it be a ride or w/e).... Sometimes I have a hidden agenda.... I'M HORRIBLE!


"This Guy"
Here I am sulking that "this guy" doesn't like me. Still!!!! I should be over it. Yet, I'm not. This is pathetic!

Chip
I've started to think about Chip. He loves me... but something seems off. Is it because he takes too good care of me? That's ridiculous. Sometimes it feels more like he wants too take care of me too much "like a father daughter relationship" I know that's gross and wrong. Is that why? Or am I' making this up? Is it all in my head? I'm I just sabotaging it???

BUT I CAN'T GET IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM... BECAUSE HE WANTS TO MARRY ME. IF I BREAK IT OFF HE'LL BE CRUSHED!

Smoe
I might hang out with him tomorrow.... I'm afraid if I do I'll end up making out with him. ...I know it won't make me feel better about myself but for some strange reason... my warped reasoning says that it will.

New Boy (I'll have to think of a new name)
A boy that my brother told me that I should meet ran into me today. I'm fairly certain he and his friend set it up (not my brother). His friend started texting when he starting talking to us... and he has a girlfriend (just found out). So I'm fairly certain he was texting him that if he was in the area he should come outside.

We talked outside for like thirty min.... and when he left I felt bad so I went out of my way to talk to him (in he convo at one point... his friend brought up "what are you doing tonight..." It was not at all smooth... ha ha.... so i talked to my friend who was a girl who was there..... And ha ha... lol). Then he went out of his way to follow me while I talked to him.

Anyway I could tell he was interested... however I'm not. I still gave him my number.... Do you see what I mean. I'M HOLDING A DOUBLE STANDARD..... I DON'T WANT A BOY TO LEAD ME ON... BUT I DO IT!


Relatives
I think one of my cousins likes me more than just a cousin way.... This is slightly frustrating and scary.... I don't know what to do about it!


The problem with blogging!
Also... can any one hear me? Groan. The problem with blogging is that although you might be able to get something off your chest.... it doesn't mean people are going to read it. So then I have this dilemma that my life is too boring to read.... slightly depressing when it means so much to me. Groan* I don't talk about personal stuff becaues I don't want people to know....

I also have the tendency to focus on the stupid crap because that is the only things that might be able to even possibly change..... Anyway... a pathetic call for help..... lol That's stupid....